AT THE SIREN CLUB

written by Dwayne Russell Leftridge

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     IT WAS A GREAT DAY AT THE “SIREN CLUB” AND EVERYBODY APPEARED WHO HAD SOMETHING

TO OFFER IN CONTRIBUTING SOMETHING SPECIAL.  THE PRESIDENT, WEARING A KING’S CROWN,

HAD JUST FINISHED GIVING A LONG AND IMPORTANT LECTURE IN WHICH THE MEMBERS BELIEVED

WOULD BE ONE TO CHANGE THE STATE OF AFFAIRS IN THEIR VERY OWN NATION; AND NOW,

STANDING BEHIND THE PODIUM, HE HAD ARRIVED AT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE MEETING.

     “AND NOW”, HE SAID, “WE HAVE COME TO THAT VERY SPECIAL MOMENT, IN WHICH WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:  THAT MOMENT IN WHICH THOSE MEMBERS, SELECTED FOR THEIR TURN, SHALL MAKE THEIR VERSION OF A SOUND OF A SIREN.  OUR FIRST MEMBER SHALL BE ‘MIKE MEASLY’.  

LET’S ALL GIVE HIM A WARM WELCOME.”

     THE PRESIDENT CLAPPED HIS HANDS ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER MEMBERS AS “MIKE MEASLY” STOOD AND WALKED  TO THE PODIUM.  AS HE NEARED THE STAGE, THE PRESIDENT TOOK A SEAT

ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE REAR OF THE PLATFORM, FACING THE AUDIENCE, WHERE HE TURNED HIS HEAD TO STARE AT “MIKE MEASLY”.

     AS “MEASLY” STOOD BEHIND THE PODIUM, EVERYONE GREW SILENT.  ALL OF A SUDDEN, “MIKE MEASLY” YELLS OUT LOUD THE SOUND, “WA-BA!, WA-BA, WA-BA!, WA-BA!, WA-BA!”, FOR A FEW MOMENTS WHILE ALL MEMBERS BEGAN CLAPPING,  AS “MEASLY” COMPLETED HIS SIREN SOUND,

THE CLAPPING GRADUALLY RECEDED.

     “MIKE MEASLY” RETURNED TO HIS CHAIR AS THE PRESIDENT CALLED OUT, “ROGER BELLYTIT”.

   “ROGER BELLYTIT” ROSE UP AND WALKED TO THE REAR OF THE PODIUM AS EVERYONE CLAPPED. AFTER THE CLAPPING GREW QUIET, HE STOOD BEHIND THE PODIUM AND YELLED OUT AS LOUD AS

HE COULD, ”RUBA-TUBA!, RUBA-TUBA!, RUBA-TUBA!, RUBA-TUBA!”, OVER AND OVER AND OVER

AGAIN.  THE CLAPPING RETURNED WITH HIS SIREN NOISE AND RECEDED AFTER IT ENDED.

     ONCE AGAIN, A SIREN MAKER, THIS TIME “ROGER BELLYTIT”, RETURNED TO HIS SEAT.

     “VINCE TABLESPOON”,  THE PRESIDENT CALLED OUT!

     A NEW MEMBER ROSE AND TOOK HIS POSITION BEHIND THE PODIUM AS THE MEMBERS

CLAPPED.

AFTER THE THE CLAPPING DIED DOWN, “VINCE TABLESPOON” MADE HIS SIREN NOISE.

     “RUFF! RUFF! RUFF!”, HE BAGAN BARKING OUT LOUD.

     “STOP-STOP-STOP”, THE PRESIDENT SCREAMED AS HE INTERRUPTED!  “WHAT ON EARTH ARE

YOU DOING?  YOU KNOW THAT THE ‘SIREN CLUB’ STRICTLY FORBIDS USING DOG BARKS AS SIREN SOUNDS.”

     “VINCE TABLESPOON” ANSWERED, “I’M MAKING DOG BARKING SOUNDS, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE A DOG.”

     “AND WHY WOULD YOU FEEL LIKE A DOG”, ASKED THE PRESIDENT?

     “VINCE TABLESPOON” ANSWERED, “BECAUSE MY NEIGHBOR REFUSED TO JOIN THE ‘SIREN

CLUB’.”

     “AND WHY WOULD ANYBODY REFUSE TO JOIN THE ‘SIREN CLUB’”, ASKED THE PRESIDENT? THE SIREN CLUB IS THE MOST SPECTACULAR CLUB IN TOWN!  WE COME UP WITH MORE SIREN SOUNDS THAN ANYBODY ELSE; EVEN ‘HOLLYWOOD’.”

     “HE SAID WE ONLY THINK THAT THE CLUB IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO AND THAT WE’RE A BUNCH OF STUPID IDIOTS”, REMARKED “VINCE TABLESPOON”.

     “HE SAID THAT”, GASPED THE PRESIDENT?  “WHO DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS?  WHAT’S HIS

NAME?  WHAT RIGHT DOES HE HAVE TO LIVE HERE?  WHERE IS HE FROM?”

     “VINCE” ANSWERED,  “HIS NAME IS ‘JOEY’.

     “THAT’S HORRIBLE”, INTERRUPTED THE PRESIDENT:  “ALL THE MAIN CRIMINALS IN THE MOVIES

ARE ALWAYS NAMED ‘JOEY’!  PLEASE CONTINUE.”

     “VINCE” CONTINUED: “HE SAYS HE’S GONNA GET US.”

     “OH NO; THAT’S AWFUL”, INSISTED THE PRESIDENT:     A MAN NAMED ‘JOEY’ AND HE’S GOING TO GET US!”

     “VINCE” WENT ON, “HE SAYS THAT HE’S FROM ‘NEW YORK CITY’ BUT THAT HE’S ALSO LIVED IN ‘CHICAGO’ AND ‘LOS ANGELES’.  THOSE ARE BIG CRIME CITIES.”

     “OH NO”, SHOUTED THE PRESIDENT:  “A MAN NAMED ‘JOEY’ LIKE IN ALL THE CRIME MOVIES,

FROM A BIG CRIME CITY, WHO HAS LIVED IN OTHER CRIME CITIES AND HE’S GOING TO GET US.  

WHAT ON EARTH ARE WE GOING TO DO?”

     “QUIT DRINKING”, ANSWERED “VINCE TABLESPOON”.

     THE CLUB PRESIDENT INQUIRED, “AND WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”

     “WELL PRESIDENT”, “VINCE” WENT ON;  “JOEY ISN’T A CRIMINAL AT ALL:  HE’S THE NEW TOWN SHERIFF.  ‘SHERIFF BENSON’ QUIT ABOUT A WEEK AGO AND THE MAYOR HIRED ‘JOEY’ BECAUSE

HE’S BEEN A POLICE OFFICER IN ‘NEW YORK’, ‘CHICAGO’ AND ‘LOS ANGELES’.  WHEN HE SAID HE

WAS GOING TO GET US, WHAT HE REALLY MEANT WAS ‘ARREST US’.  HE SAID THAT HE’S TIRED OF

US GOING OVER TO THE TOWN’S BASEBALL DIAMOND EVERY NIGHT, GETTING DRUNK FOR HOURS

AND KEEPING HIM AWAKE BY MAKING SIREN NOISES ALL NIGHT.”

     AT LAST A HAND WAS RAISED AMONG THE LISTENING MEMBERS SITTING IN THE CHAIRS BEYOND THE PODIUM.  THEIR EYES WERE NOW WIDE OPEN AS THE PRESIDENT POINTED TO HIM.

     “YES ‘MR. JUMPER’”, INQUIRED THE PRESIDENT?

     “WELL”, SAID “MR. JUMPER”; “IT’S OBVIOUS THAT IF WE JUST DO WHAT WE WANT AND GO OVER

TO THE BASEBALL DIAMOND, WE’LL ONLY END UP IN JAIL.  WE DON’T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, SO I SUGGEST THAT WE

VOTE ON A NEW PLACE TO DRINK AFTER OUR MEETINGS.  MAYBE WE CAN RENT THE OLD “HUDSON FARM’ FROM THAT OUT-OF-TOWNER WHO BOUGHT IT.  HE ONLY LIVED THERE A LITTLE WHILE THEN BOUGHT ANOTHER PLACE IN ANOTHER CITY.  HE NEVER GOES THERE.”

     “WE CAN’T DO THAT”, SNAPPED THE PRESIDENT!

     “MR. JUMPER” PONDERED, “AND JUST WHY NOT?”

     “BECAUSE HIS NAME IS ‘JOEY’”, HOLLARED THE PRESIDENT!  “AS WE JUST MENTIONED; ALL THE MAIN CRIMINALS IN THE MOVIES ARE ALWAYS NAMED ‘JOEY’.

WE CAN’T TAKE A CHANCE:  IT’S JUST TOO DANGEROUS.”

     “JUST LIKE THE NEW SHERIFF” IS ALSO NAMED ‘JOEY’”, COMPLAINED “MR. JUMPER”.  “THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!  THEY’VE GOT MILLIONS OF ‘JOEYS’:  WE NEED A NEW PLACE TO DRINK.  WHOEVER IS IN FAVOR OF RENTING THE OLD ‘HUDSON FARM’, RAISE THEIR HAND!”

     “MR. JUMPER” RAISED HIS HAND FIRST AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER EVERYONE ELSE, EXCEPT FOR

THE PRESIDENT FOLLOWED.  SEEING THAT HE WAS TOTALLY AT ODDS WITH THE ENTIRE CLUB, THE PRESIDENT OF “SIREN CLUB” HAD NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO AGREE.

     “VERY WELL”,  HE SAID:  “IF YOU ALL WANT TO RENT THE OLD ‘HUDSON FARM’, THEN I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO APPROVE THE MOTION; BUT I STILL DON’T LIKE THE IDEA OF RENTING A PLACE

FROM A MAN NAMED ‘JOEY’.”

      SO TIME WENT BY AS IT ALWAYS HAD AND EVERY NIGHT THE “SIREN CLUB” WOULD GO DRINK

AT THE OLD “HUDSON FARM” AFTERWARD, WHERE THEY WERE ABLE TO MAKE ALL THE NOISE AND

SIREN CALLS THAT THEY WANTED.  ALL WENT WELL UNTIL ONE DAY, THEY WENT THERE IN THE DAYTIME.  AS THEY WERE ALL INSIDE BY THE KITCHEN WINDOW, A SPOOKY LOOKING LIMOUSINE PULLED UP INTO THE PARKING SPACE IN FRONT. WHERE THEY ALL TOOK TURNS PEEPING OUT THE WINDOW.

     ALL OF THE FOUR DOORS OPENED AND OUT STEPPED FOUR CLEAN SHAVEN MEN IN, ALL WEARING  BLACK RIMMED SUNGLASSES, BLACK PANTS, WHITE SHIRTS AND TIES, LONG, BLACK TRENCH COATS, DRESS SHOES AND STETSON HATS.  THEY SHUT THE DOORS AND ALL WALKED BETWEEN THE LIMO AND THE KITCHEN WINDOW AND STOPPED THERE AS THEY STOOD AND BEGAN TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

     “WHO ON EARTH IS THAT”, ASKED ONE MEMBER

OF THE “SIREN CLUB”?  

     “I DON’T KNOW”, SPOKE THE PRESIDENT OF THE CLUB; “BUT I SUGGEST WE ALL REMAIN PERFECTLY QUIET SO THAT WE MAY POSSIBLY HEAR WHAT THEY ARE UP TO, SINCE THEY DON’T SEEM TO BE AWARE THAT ANYBODY ELSE IS HERE.”

     SO THE “SIREN CLUB” LISTENED IN ON THE CONVERSATION OF THE FOUR MEN IN BLACK TRENCH COATS.  THE CONVERSATION TURNED OUT TO BE SOMETHING THAT THEY NEVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED; AND THEY WERE EVEN MORE SURPRISED TO FIND OUT THAT THERE WAS CORRUPTION INVOLVED.

     THE FIRST STRANGER IN A BLACK TRENCH COAT SAID TO THE SECOND, “HEY ‘JOEY’; IT SURE IS GREAT THE WAY WE JUST TOOK THIS PROPERTY AWAY FROM THAT ‘JOEY’ GUY WHO OWNED IT.  THE SECOND STRANGER THEN SAID BACK TO THE FIRST STRANGER,

“IT SURE IS ‘JOEY’:  THIS IS A PRETTY NICE SPREAD AND IT MAKES A GOOD HIDEOUT FOR WHEN WE PERFORM OUR MISCHIEF, AS EXPECTED OUT OF US, FROM OUR GOD AND MASSIVE STONE IDOL, THE ‘HOOKY-BOOKY’.”

     THE FIRST STRANGER THEN SAID TO THE THIRD STRANGER, “WHAT ABOUT YOU ‘JOEY’; DO YOU LIKE IT OUT HERE?”

     “I SURE DO”, SAID THE THIRD STRANGER.  “I ALSO THINK THAT THIS IS A GREAT PLACE TO BRING SOMEONE TO TORTURE IF WE NEED INFORMATION FROM THEM OR WANT THEM TO GIVE US SOMETHING, THE WAY THIS ‘JOEY’ GUY WHO OWNED THIS PROPERTY GAVE IT TO US AFTER WE TORTURED HIM.”

     THE FIRST STRANGER FINALLY LOOKED AT THE LAST STRANGER AND INQUIRED, “AND HOW ABOUT YOU ‘JOEY’:  WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ABOUT THIS PLACE?”

     THE FOURTH STRANGER ANSWERED, “I REALLY LIKE IT OUT HERE.  BESIDES; WE HAVE OVER A HUNDRED ACRES AND WITH WOODED AREAS ON THE PROPERTY, FOR BURYING PEOPLE, IF WE HAVE TO BUMP SOMEONE OFF.  IT’S HARD TO GET RID OF THE PEOPLE WE BUMP OFF IN ‘NEW YORK CITY’:  THERE’S NO PLACE TO PUT THEM.  IF YOU TRY TO THROW THEM IN THE OCEAN OR IN AN ALLEY DUMPSTER, SOMEONE IS LIKELY TO SEE YOU FROM THE WINDOW OF A TALL BUILDING AND THEY HAVE CAMERAS EVERYWHERE.”

     IN TOTAL SHOCK, THE PRESIDENT OF THE ‘SIREN CLUB’ YELLED OUT LOUD,  “OH THIS IS AWFUL!  ALL FOUR OF THE STRANGERS WHO JUST SHOWED UP ARE NAMED ‘JOEY’, WHO TOOK THE PROPERTY AWAY FROM A GUY NAMED ‘JOEY’.  ALL THE MAIN CRIMINALS IN ‘HOLLYWOOD’ MOVIES ARE NAMED ‘JOEY’, JUST LIKE THESE FOUR ‘JOEYS’ HERE; AND THEY ARE FROM ‘NEW YORK CITY’; A MAJOR CRIME CITY, JUST LIKE MANY ‘JOEYS; AND THEY WORSHIP A STRANGE, MASSIVE, STONE GOD IDOL CALLED THE ‘HOOKY BOOKY’!  WHAT ON EARTH ARE WE GOING TO DO?”

     THE FOUR ‘JOEYS’ TURNED AND LOOKED AT THE WINDOW AND THE FIRST ‘JOEY’ ASKED THE SECOND ‘JOEY’, “HEY ‘JOEY’; I JUST HEARD SOMEBODY SCREAMING: DID YOU HERE IT?”

     THE SECOND STRANGER ANSWERED BACK, “YEAH ‘JOEY’; I HEARD IT.”

     THE FIRST STRANGER ALSO SAID TO THE THIRD STRANGER, “WHAT ABOUT YOU ‘JOEY’?  DID YOU HERE IT?”

     “YES I DID”, REPLIED THE THIRD STRANGER.  SOMEONE IS DEFINITELY IN THERE.

“FINALLY THE FIRST STRANGER QUESTIONED THE LAST STRANGER BY SAYING,  “AND HOW ABOUT YOU ‘JOEY’?  DID YOU HERE ANYTHING?”

     “YES ‘JOEY’”, ANSWERED THE FOURTH ‘JOEY’.  I HEARD SOMETHING AND I THINK THAT WE SHOULD CHECK IT OUT.”  

     SO THE FOUR ‘JOEYS’ BEGAN WALKING TOWARD THE KITCHEN DOOR, AS A HORRIFIED ‘SIREN CLUB’ STARED AT THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW.

     THE FOUR “JOEYS” WALKED THROUGH THE KITCHEN DOOR.  THEY STOPPED AND LOOKED AROUND AT ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE “SIREN CLUB”, AS ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE “SIREN CLUB” STARED AT THEM, CLEARLY SHOWING THAT THEY WERE SCARED OUT OF THEIR WITS.

     FINALLY, THE FIRST “JOEY” SPOKE AND SAID, I AM THE LEADER OF THE CRIME SYNDICATE KNOWN AS THE ‘FOUR JOEYS’.  THERE USED TO BE ‘FIVE’ BUT NOW ONE IS NO LONGER WITH US AND IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART.

     “I SEE GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT HERE AND I’M TROUBLED BY THE FACT THAT IT IS TOO LATE TO USE DIPLOMACY, SINCE ALL YOU GUYS IN HERE WITH THE STUPID LOOKING SHIRTS THAT SAY ‘SIREN CLUB’ ON IT, ALL JUST HEARD EVERYTHING THAT WE SAID.  THIS ALSO BREAKS MY HEART.  

     “I’M SURE SOME OF YOU HERE ARE MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN.  THIS IS VERY TOUCHING AND MAKES ME WANT TO WEEP, SINCE THEIR TENDER LIVES ARE ABOUT TO CHANGE AND THEY WILL NOW HAVE TO SAIL ONWARD THROUGH LIFE’S RECKLESS TIDES, WITHOUT THE COMPANY OR CARING OR FINANCIAL SUPPORT OF  THEIR BELOVED HUSBANDS.”

     “NOW WAIT A MINUTE”, STALLED THE PRESIDENT; “YOU CAN’T JUST KILL US:  WE RENTED THE PLACE.  BESIDES; THE KITCHEN WINDOW IS CLOSED AND WE NEVER HEARD A WORD YOU SAID.”

     “IT LOOKS OPEN TO ME”, SAID THE FIRST “JOEY”.

     THE PRESIDENT INSISTED, “IT ONLY LOOKS THAT WAY BECAUSE OF THE SUN, SHADOW AND LIGHT FROM THE LIGHTBULB. HERE; WATCH THIS.”

     THE PRESIDENT WALKED OVER BY THE WINDOW ABOVE THE KITCHEN SINK, LEANED OVER AND BEGAN REACHING  HIS HAND FORWARD, UNTIL IT STOPPED RIGHT WHERE THE GLASS WOULD BE.  HE TURNED HIS FACE BACK TO THE ‘FOUR JOEYS’ AND SMILED.

     “YOU SEE THAT”, HE QUESTIONED AS HE SMILED:  “THE GLASS STOPS MY HAND.  THE WINDOW IS CLOSED.”

     HE RETRACTED HIS HAND AND STOOD UP, STILL SMILING, AS THE FIRST “JOEY” SNAPPED, “YOU THINK I’M THAT STUPID?”

     THE FIRST “JOEY” WALKED UP TO THE WINDOW, LEANED FORWARD OVER THE KITCHEN SINK AND PUT HIS HAND COMPLETELY THROUGH THE OPENED WINDOW.  

     “YA SEE THAT”, SAID THE FIRST “JOEY”; “YOU TRIED TO TRICK ME AND MAKE IT LOOK AS THOUGH THERE WAS A WINDOW STOPPING YOUR HAND; BUT THE WINDOW IS OPEN; OTHERWISE MY HAND WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO GO ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT BECAUSE THE GLASS WOULD STOP IT.  YOU HEARD EVERYTHING WE SAID AND IT JUST TOTALLY BREAKS MY HEART!”

     THE FIRST “JOEY” PULLED HIS HAND BACK OUT OF THE WINDOW AND STOOD UP.  HE TURNED AROUND AND LOOKED STRAIGHT INTO THE FACE OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE SIREN CLUB.  IT WAS NOW APPARENT THAT HE WAS NO LONGER SMILING.  THE REAL TRUTH WAS THAT HE WAS SO SCARED THAT HE HAD NO WAY TO HIDE IT.

     “LOOK YOU”, SAID THE FIRST “JOEY”:  “PLEADING IS A TIME WASTER SINCE IT WILL DO YOU NO GOOD.  WE JUST HAVE TO GET RID OF YOU GUYS AND IT’S A UNANIMOUS DECISION MADE BY THE ‘FOUR JOEYS’ VIA OF INVISIBLE THOUGHT TRANSFER, WHICH HAS DEVELOPED AMONG US FROM WEARING DARK SUN GLASSES AND WORSHIPPING THE ‘HOOKY-BOOKY, GOD.”

     THE CLUB PRESIDENT’S MOUTH STARTED TREMBLING AS HE PLEADED, “PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO US.  WE WON’T SAY ANYTHING.  THE GUY WHO OWNED THIS PROPERTY WAS AN OUT-OF-TOWNER AND WE HARDLY EVEN KNEW HIM.  COME ON; LET US GO.  HIS NAME WAS ‘JOEY’ TOO!

     “WE DON’T CARE IF HIS NAME WAS ‘JOEY’, SNAPPED THE FIRST “JOEY”!  “YOU KNOW THE RULES:  YOU HEAR SOMETHING THAT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!”

      ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR POPPED OPEN AND THE NEW SHERIFF, “SHERIFF JOEY” JUMPED OUT OF IT AND STOOD UP, POINTING A RIFLE AT THE  “FIRST JOEY”.

      “HOLD IT RIGHT THERE ‘JOEY’ HE SHOUTED!  “YOU MAKE ONE MOVE AND THE ‘FOUR JOEYS’ ARE DEAD!”

      AT THAT MOMENT, ANOTHER SHERIFF STUCK A RIFLE THROUGH THE OPENED WINDOW ABOVE THE SINK AND SCREAMED, “THAT’S RIGHT ‘FOUR JOEYS’!

MOVE AND YOU’RE ALL DEAD.

     A THIRD SHERIFF JUMPED THROUGH THE DOOR, AND SHOUTED, “IF YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE, THEN DON’T MOVE: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!”

     IN NO TIME THE WHOLE PROPERTY WAS SWARMING WITH SHERIFFS.  THEY HAD COME RIGHT IN THE NICK OF TIME AND HAD SAVED THE “SIREN CLUB” FROM ABSOLUTE EXTINCTION.

     THE “FOUR JOEYS” STARED AT “SHERIFF JOEY” IN DISBELIEF AS THE FIRST “JOEY” REMARKED, “I DON’T BELIEVE IT: THE FIFTH ‘JOEY’!  YOU USED TO BE IN OUR GANG.  WHAT ARE YOU DOING POINTING A RIFLE AT US IN A SHRIFF’S UNIFORM? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!”

     “AFTER THAT LAST JOB WE DID”, ANSWERED ‘SHERIFF JOEY’ YOU LEFT ME FOR DEAD, AFTER THAT GUY CRACKED ME IN THE HEAD WITH A BOARD; REMEMBER?  THEN WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL YOU SNUCK INTO THE HOSPITAL AND SHOT ME IN THE HEAD, USING A GUN AND SILENCER, THINKING THAT IF I WAS OUT OF THE PICTURE, YOU COULD GET A BIGGER PART OF THE SPLIT.  

     “WHAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW, IS THAT THE DOCTOR HAD TAKEN MY BRAIN OUT OF MY HEAD TO GET AT THE INJURY BETTER AND PLACED IT IN A BRAIN INCUBATOR WITH CLEAR SEE THROUGH GLASS; SO YOU MISSED.  WHEN YOU SHOT ME IN THE HEAD, MY BRAIN WAS IN A POSITION WHERE I COULD SEE THE WHOLE THING.  THE MYSTERY IS, YOU DON’T REALLY SEE WITH THE EYES:  YOU SEE WITH THE BRAIN AND MY BRAIN SAW THE WHOLE THING.  I ALSO SAW THE OTHER ‘JOEYS’ MEET YOU AT THE DOOR WHEN YOU WERE LEAVING.”

     SO THE SHERIFFS ARRESTED THE “FOUR JOEYS”.  “SHERIFF JOEY” SUGGESTED AT COURT THAT THE BRAINS OF THE “FOUR JOEYS” BE TAKEN OUT AND PLACED IN BRAIN INCUBATORS FOR LIFE BUT THE JUDGE RULED AGAINST IT, SAYING THAT IT BROKE THE CONSTITUTIONS CLAUSE ABOUT CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENTS.  

     AS IT TURNED OUT, WHEN THE “FOUR JOEYS” HAD FORCED  “JOEY”, THE OWNER OF THE “HUDSON FARM” TO SIGN THEIR FRAUDULENT DEED, INSTEAD OF SIGNING HIS NAME, HE ONLY PRETENDED TO SIGN HIS NAME AND INSTEAD WROTE, “SIGNED AT GUNPOINT”; AND THEN STARTED TALKING TO THEM TO DISTRACT THEM FROM LOOKING AT THE SIGNATURE AS HE SAID, “OF COURSE YOU KNOW, THAT YOU’LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS.  IT’LL COME OUT IN THE OPEN SOMEDAY.  I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, THAT I ALSO PLAN TO TELL YOUR STONE IDOL GOD, THE ‘HOOKY-BOOKY’ ALL ABOUT YOU.”

     ALL FOUR OF THE “FOUR JOEYS” STARTED LAUGHING AND SAID, “GO AHEAD; HE ALREADY

KNOWS!”

     IMMEDIATELY AFTER, HE WENT AND TOLD “SHERIFF JOEY” WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND “SHERIFF JOEY” ROUNDED UP A POSSE.  HE PURSUED THE MATTER WITH EXTREME ANTICIPATION, SINCE HE WAS ANXIOUS TO GET REVENGE AGAINST THE “FOUR JOEYS” FOR TWO-FACING HIM WHEN HE WAS IN THEIR GANG WHEN IT USED TO BE CALLED THE “FIVE JOEYS”.

     A WEEK LATER, THE PRESIDENT OF THE “SIREN CLUB” RAN INTO “SHERIFF JOEY” AND SAID TO HIM, AS THE SHERIFF SAT IN HIS SHERIFF’S CAR AND THE PRESIDENT SPOKE TO HIM BY HIS DRIVER’S WINDOW, “YOU MEAN, YOU USED TO BE A MEMBER OF THE NOTORIOUS GANG THE ‘FIVE ‘JOEYS’?”

     “YES; THAT’S RIGHT”, ANSWERED “SHERIFF “JOEY”; BUT AFTER THE GANG TWO-FACED ME AND I RECOVERED FROM THE HOSPITAL, I WENT STRAIGHT AND BECAME A POLICE OFFICER, FIRST IN ‘NEW YORK CITY’, THEN IN ‘CHICAGO’ AND FINALLY IN ‘LOS ANGELES’.

     “I WANTED A BREAK FROM THE HECTIC LIFE OF A BIG CITY POLICE OFFICER; SO WHEN THE MAYOR OF YOUR TOWN CONTACTED ME, I GLADLY ACCEPTED THE JOB; AND SO FAR, IT’S WORKED OUT JUST FINE.  THE ONLY TROUBLE I’VE HAD, WAS WITH YOUR ‘SIREN CLUB’ KEEPING ME UP ALL NIGHT; BUT NOW THEY’RE AT THE ‘HUDSON FARM’ AND WITH THE ‘FOUR JOEYS’: WELL, THAT WAS O.K., SINCE IT GAVE ME A CHANCE TO GET A LONG WAITED REVENGE AGAINST THEM.”

     “NOW IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, MY FATHER IS COMING TO TOWN FOR A VISIT AND I HAVE TO GO MEET HIM AT THE SHERIFF’S OFFICE.”

     “I’D LIKE TO MEET HIM MYSELF SOMEDAY”, INFORMED THE PRESIDENT OF THE “SIREN CLUB”.  MAYBE HE CAN JOIN OUR VERY SPECIAL LITTLE CLUB.

I WONDER IF HE’LL BE GOOD AT MAKING SIREN NOISES AND IF HE LIKES TO DRINK BEER.  COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT HIS NAME IS?”

     “SURE”, SAID THE SHERIFF:  “WHEN YOU MEET HIM, YOU CAN JUST CALL HIM ‘JOEY’.

     “WELL; I’VE GOT TO GET GOING, SO I’LL SEE YOU LATER.”

     “SEE YA”, SAID THE PRESIDENT.

     THE SHERIFF THEN DROVE AWAY, AS THE PRESIDENT OF THE “SIREN CLUB” QUESTIONED LOUDLY, “BUT IS HE HONEST?  HIS NAME’S ‘JOEY’!”

THE END

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