The Flowery Dress Agency

"'Ronald' and 'donald' Snooper" were sitting on a bus bench. that's all they ever did and that was what they were known for; sitting on this bus bench and watching everyone's business. most of the time, it would be the business of someone they knew: but today it would be the business of a stranger.

he appeared on the corner a few feet away from where they were both sitting, waiting for the light to change. he was not that hard to spot and not that hard to sort out. for one thing, he was seven feet tall and for another thing; he was wearing a dress made of white cloth, with light blue flowers all over it. he also had a beard and a rather long one at that.

"ronald" put his hand over his mouth and whispered to "donald", "hey: who's the big silly queer?"

To this remark, "donald" answered back, "i don't know; but he's not a queer: He's a victim of the 'flowery dress agency'".

"the 'flowery dress agency'", questioned "ronald" in bewilderment?

"yes: the 'flowery dress agency'", answered "donald" back to him. "you see; the mentally ill in some cases, don't think of bathing themselves and sometimes they can't even if they do because they are living on the street and they lack the means to do this often.

"because of this, the 'flowery dress agency' snatches them up off the street, takes them somewhere and bathes them and let's them rest up for a couple of days;and finally puts them in a new and clean flowery dress with light blue flowers all over it and then dumps them off on a street corner. after the people they dump off on a street corner get dirty again, the 'flowery dress agency' simply snatches them up again and repeats the process and sticks them in another another light-blue flowery dress.

"once the 'Flowery dress agency' snatches a person up and puts him or her in a new flowery dress, it is illegal for them to wear anything else; so they are stuck forever wearing a new flowery dress. if such a person tries to wear any other kind of clothing, he will be arrested and sent to "meanie prison", where all the convicts of the most violent crimes are sent.

"ronald" inquired farther astonishingly, "you mean, that big guy over there isn't allowed to wear anything but that light-blue flowery dress?"

"that's right", returned "donald": "if he tries, he'll get arrested.

"what's more, you don't want to cross a 'mr. trunk'. he runs the 'flowery dress agency'. you don't want to make him mad. piss him off and he'll find something on you; and if he can't, he'll make something up and send his goons out to snatch you up. in the end, he'll stick you in a light-blue flowery dress."

"so; want to go to the library AND stare at books", asked "ronald"?

"sure", said "donald": "i like to stare at books."

so they stood up and they departed. it was not long though that they ran into a man who did not seem to blend with them very well. it was as they walked by the "'weird beard's' 'gift shop"'. there was a man on the sidewalk, standing next to a red ambulance parked in the street, with a man in the driver's seat.

as they approached, "donald" recognized the man and said, "Oh no! that's 'Mr. trunk' of the 'flowery dress agency'. try not to look at him as we walk by him on the sidewalk and don’t say anything. I don't want to do or say anything to make him mad at us. he never goes anywhere without having some of his men around someplace; so we have to be extra careful. I don't want to be put in no flowery dress forever and ever!"

as they walked by, they both stood perfectly still and looked straight ahead, being very careful not to look or say anything.

as they approached, they did not see the two large men in hospital uniforms leave the gift shop. in their hand was a small birdcage with an artificial bird in it. "ronald" and "donald" arrived at where "mr trunk" was standing at about the same time that the two men reached him; and to their absolute horror, "ronald" accidentally bumped into the man carrying the birdcage with the artificial bird, knocked the cage out of the man’s hand and it broke as it struck the ground.

"mr. trunk" shouted in absolute anger, "now look what you've done! I sent my men into this gift shop to buy my 120 year old mother a birdcage because she said that she wanted one before she dies and you broke it! this is a rare brand of birdcage and that was the last one this shop had and now i have to go look for another one. if she dies before i find her a new one and give it to her, I'm going to take you to the 'flowery dress agency' and stick you in a light blue flowery dress! you will be required by law to wear it, until we pick you up and give you a new one just like it and you'll both be stuck in a flowery dress forever and ever! you'll always be seen in it and you'll always be humiliated!"

"mr. trunk" looked at his men and said,"let's go", and they all got in the van and left. as it departed, "mr. trunk” yelled out the window, "now remember: If my 120 year old mother dies before I find another cage like this one, i will have the 'flowery dress agency' apprehend you and put you in a flowery dress!"

"ronald" and "donald" just stared at the van as it drove away, obviously feeling uneasy.

two weeks later, brothers "ronald" and "donald" were up in their second story apartment watching cartoons with their window open, when all of a sudden, they heard the voice of "Mr.trunk" shout through the window.

He shouted, "hey 'ronald' and 'donald'; remember what I told you? i told you that if my 120 year old mother dies before i get a chance to get a birdcage like the one you broke, i was going to have the 'flowery dress agency' apprehend you and put you in a light-blue flowery dress. Well, guess what? my mother died and i never got to give or find her another birdcage like the one you broke; so guess who's going to be wearing a light-blue flowery dress?”

"look out your window at the streetlight across the street."

"ronald" and "donald" looked out the window; and to their surprise, there was a man sitting on the the extending bar at the top of the streetlight, watching them with a pair of binoculars.

"Mr. trunk" then remarked, "he's been on that streetlight watching you for two weeks! "o.k.; you can quit now 'Henry'".

"henry" fell backward on the extending bar, flipped completely over and landed on his feet on the ground.

"now", continued "mr. trunk"; "take a look at the man carrying out the trash up the road two houses, on the opposite side of the street. He’s also been there two weeks."

"ronald" and "donald" looked at the yard "mr. trunk" told them to look at and saw a man rolling a plastic garbage bin down a driveway to the street, where he parked it.

"o.k.; you can stop now", insisted "mr trunk" to the man; and he let go of the can and walked away.

"mr. trunk" then said to "ronald" and "donald", "there is no way you're going to escape, and my goons are right at this moment, coming up to get you, to take you to the 'flowery dress agency'! You are about to find out, that my slice is far worse than my price!"

all of a sudden the door to "ronald's" and "donald's" apartment flew open, as several giant men ran through the door.

they pinned "ronald" and "donald" and then bound and gagged them and carried them out the apartment.

later, inside the "flowery dress agency", "mr. trunk" paced the floor of the nearly empty giant room uneasily and impatiently. in the center of the empty floor was the only thing on it: a toilet. above it was a crane with a pulley and a chain. the crane had an electrical chord with three buttons on it: one button to lift things up that are fastened on the chain, another, to lower things fastened to the chain and a third, to stop the crane from lifting.

the door of the room came open and in walked several large men, carrying "ronald" and "donald" who they tossed on the floor.

"Mr. trunk" simply said, "string one of them up"; and the large goons grabbed "ronald", fastened the chain around his ankles and feet and pushed the crane's "up" button. "ronald" drug on the floor until the chain had wound up enough to start lifting him up in the air upside down, hanging him directly above the toilet in the center of the floor. with his mouth taped shut with tape and his hands and feet bound, both hands behind his back, all "ronald" could do was mumble and moan through the tape.

"so; by now, i bet you thought you were going to get away with breaking my mother's present, the rare and exotic birdcage. well, thinking is not always best. Lower the cage goons!"

the goon with his hand on the buttons pressed the "down" button and lowered "ronald's" head down into the toilet, let him hang for about twenty seconds, until "mr.trunk" finally said,"o.k.; raise him up".

"Mr. trunk" farther continued saying, “now ‘mr. wet-head’!- do you still think you've gotten away with something? do you still feel you can break the property of the man who runs the largest agency in town? there are thousands on the street here because of the local monopolists who put me in this office. you have no place to go for help and all my goons are much bigger than you and your mangy brother. i can put anybody i want to in a flowery dress anytime i want and you are my next flowery dress victims. your life and your future are now in my hands, to do whatever i want with; and to me, your lives are nothing but play toys!"

at this moment, the mayor, "mayor cat-whiskers", barged in through the door with a team of policemen trailing him. "Hold it right there, 'mr. trunk': it looks as though the only play toy in this room, will be you, when you go to court! officers: free the prisoners!"

the policemen untied "ronald" and "donald" and took off their gags.

"are you o.k.", questioned one of the policemen?

"donald" answered, "yes; we're o.k.: but that "mr. trunk" standing right there…"

"It's alright", interrupted "mayor cat-whiskers": "we know the whole story. the police have been watching ‘mr. trunk’ now for two months and we saw and heard everything."

finally, "mr. trunk" after all this time, while he watched and listened, finally got the nerve to speak and he uttered, "hey; what is all this? If i'm not mistaken ‘mr. mayor’, you're trying to angle my good nature for a misunderstanding."

"don't you try to play innocent with me, 'mr. trunk'”, snapped "mayor cat-whiskers": “you know what you've done and we know it too. everything you've said for the last two months, including everything today and everything in this room has been taped. we know everything! as far as your beloved monopolists who put you in here, they've all been placed under arrest in a major sting.

"'mr. trunk'; i'm hereby removing you from the 'flowery dress agency'.”

"mr. trunk" asked, "but why?"

"you know the reason; so don't you play dum with me", remarked "mayor cat-whiskers". “it will do you absolutely no good. I've found out everything that's been going on. You've been using the 'flowery dress agency' in a dishonorable and dishonest way. when i found out that you apprehended these two innocent men, just because they accidentally broke that stupid birdcage that you're going to give your mother, that was the last straw.

"you're fired 'mr. trunk'; so don't go acting to me!

"the 'flowery dress agency’ is supposed to help people; not help a crybaby leader of it seek personal revenge. all you're supposed to do, is apprehend the mentally ill living on the street if they get too dirty, take them to the 'flowery dress agency’ to feed them, let them rest up for a couple of days, shower them, put them in a light-blue flowery dress, give them a dollar and drop them of on a stereet corner, so that they will be happy, showing off their brand new, light-blue flowery dress!

"but what did you do? you used the office to abuse power, to seek out people who don't want to wear a light-blue flowery dress. you filled the agency with giant, stupid goons and you preyed on the sane and insane alike for your own self interest.

"but that's not all: I'm also arresting you for all your illegal fowl play, while you were the head of the 'flowery dress agency'.

"I'm also going to sing a song, to donate to your dead old bag mother:

"your mama is a little whore

all she does is moan for more

everytime she's in the dilldoe store

she finds a guy to give her more

your mama's just a little whore

and all she does is moan for more!

"now", finished the mayor; "take him away!"

the police grabed "mr trunk" as he screamed, "no; i'm the most innocent man in town. this is a mistake! let me go! people depend on me: i run the 'flowery dress agency’!"

as the police led "mr. trunk" away, the the mayor once again began singing:

"your mama is a little whore

all she does is moan for more

everytime she's in the dilldoe store

she finds a guy to give her more

your mama's just a little whore

and all she does is moan for more!"

"ronald" and "donald" by now were standing completely up, free from there bondage.

"oh, gee, thanks 'mr. mayor'", said "donald", “for freeing us and thanks to all of you! we were really worried there for awhile.

the mayor answered, "don't mention it: glad to be of service and glad to get rid of that corrupt ‘mr. trunk’!

“now i can replace him with a more obedient head of the 'flowery dress agency'; one who will bring back the fun and the joy for the mentally ill in wearing a light-blue flowery dress. he will replace the paranoia and fear that the public experienced, that this agency has brought forth under the foul leadership of ‘mr. trunk’, with feelings of euphoria and well-being and will make the agency look like a good old snack wagon again!"

as "ronald" and "donald" looked at the mayor with both of them smiling at him, "ronald" said to the mayor, "THE 'FLOWERY DRESS AGENCY' IS AYE O.K.!"

THE END

Shortly after "Mr. Trunk's" arrest and dismissal, a certain "Dwayne Leftridge" was appointed to head the "Flowery Dress Agency”. The fear in the public and the evil in the agency had flown away just as quickly as it had landed. Normalness became the norm again; and through miracles worked through the courts, wearing a light-blue flowery dress apon leaving the "Flowery Dress Agency" became voluntary instead of required by law. All of "Mr. Trunk's" mean and violent goons disappeared until there were no more. What's more; "Dwayne Leftridge" introduced new music into the "Flowery Dress Agency", instead of allowing it to drag on with the corney opera singing hit singles of "Mr. Trunk's" mother, to which "Mr. Trunk" continuously played over the intercom of the agency: And what could possibly be more suitable, than "Dwayne Leftridge's" very own CD , "Coming Out of the Hermit's Cave"? The smiles returned to the patients of the "Flowery Dress agency” and the lonely soles were once again allowed to have visitors. The excitement of friends and relatives stirred their hearts and they danced to the joy that they would no longer be forced to wear a light-blue flowery dress.

TO LISTEN TO SAMPLES OF

"DWAYNE LEFTRIDGE'S"

FABULOUS CD ,

"COMING OUT OF THE HERMIT'S CAVE",

NOW PLAYED AT

"THE FLOWERY DRESS AGENCY",

GO TO THE LINK BELOW

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